I can’t sleep. I mean, I’m tired and awake at the same time. These days it’s like everything is supposed to be a distraction “to get away from it all” but I’m old enough to know there are things you’re just wasting your life trying to ignore. I remember hearing once, how there was always an answer, always a reason, always a plan…you just had to make room for it and not be impatient. Be ready.
I’m so glad this project is here.
It’s late at night here at home and my family are asleep. Sure, it’s frustrating that sleep is a place I can’t find but, you know, this is a time of day that reminds me more than any I am good at being a father, partner, friend because our home is at peace. Part of calming my mind on a night like this is letting go of the things that seem to only exist to obscure and distract from this most important truth. Our home, that we built, is at peace. And I’m grateful that I know that.
I figured I’d pour off a glass of wine and stick down some railway ties. Among the music I’ve been listening to this week is a Chris Stapleton album that I fell in love with a few weeks ago. I won’t turn on the stereo; instead I’ll just think about that song while I work. It’ll feel the same to remember the song as it does to hear it, again. Even if it isn’t the same I’ll never know because I’ve already decided it’s as good.
The plan for now is stick down the replacement wood ties. These Mount Albert ties are so damn beautiful. They look nice. They smell amazing. They feel right. I know, that’s not the wine, that’s just a confession. Why would I want to work in any material that doesn’t connect with my senses? Sure, a plastic tie looks as nice but that plastic was never alive. It’ll never feel. These ties came from Ontario, like me, and they’re making a home here, also like me.
Model railroading has been a lot of things for me. Tonight, it’ll stay up with me when it’s late. We’ll share a glass of wine. We won’t say a word. We’ll know what’s on our mind. Tomorrow these ties’ll be glued into place and I’ll spike at least one of the turnouts back into place. What I’ll’ve done is something I’ll look back on and see as a direct line to the child I was, dreaming of who I’d be someday. I’ll wonder if that’s what my heroes thought of while they worked and think that this is what connects us; not the evidence but the coincidence.
Take care friend
Might as well…
Categories: How I think